...This Isn't Just The Story Of A Girl...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Apparently...Apparently my life is way more interesting than I initially thought! I've gotten text messages all day asking about developments and whatnot. Well, I'm afraid if i spill too much I'll jinx it. Let's just say he's still wants to take me out...and there are flowers involved. Updates later lovlies.
<3 Ina
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
A little bit of NORMALCY...if you please...Really, I don't feel normal, and I won't for quite a long time.
Today as part of you know...if my overly annoying dorky trend following little brother's 17Th birthday. Yay for that...no not really. Birthdays mean family, family means questions and criticism. Which will probably lead to crying. I couldn't give a flying fuck about seeing my extended family. The last time we all really got along my was Nonno's funeral...and what a joyous occasion that was. I'm still in my pj's, I've spent most of today in my room, and I don't want to deal with life as a whole right now. Today will be like pulling with without being under anesthetic...speaking of which..
tomorrow I get to go to the dentist AGAIN! I have to get a "minor" cavity filled. As long as he doesn't try to force that over sized syringe in my gums I'll be perfectly okay with it. I hate needles...yet I can watch myself get tattooed with no problem...weird eh?
anyhow...I have to go find clothes...
<3 Ina
Fucking Christ...this morning I didn't even want to get up, because frankly...it doesn't feel like its worth it. Obviously I'm up now...I just haven't left my bed. I'm tired, depressed, scared, alone and extremely unhappy. My best friend is halfway across the world, my ex boyfriend is camping for the week...and i still want him back so this feels like maybe we're taking 2 steps back, because what if he changes him mind from the way he acted last Friday? What if he gets completely over me? What if he finds someone while he's up there? What if he isn't even thinking of me and doesn't care about me anymore? See...then I think life really isn't worth the hurt. Now I'm not saying I'd kill myself..I'd just be even more upset and stop eating and sleeping and all that jazz again. There's still 6 days til he comes back...yesterday felt long enough...I miss him...and 6 more days is just going to make how I'm feeling worse.
fuck...
<3(?) Ina
Sooo...tonight I was feeling way more depressed than the last couple of days (woo relapse days)and I thought to myself "Ina...you've got to get out of the fucking house!" So I did. My first little adventure was to coffee with Nick Bryneart(sp?). Wonderfully smart of me I know. You'll be please to know I avoided all of his attempts to get me back to his place and/or in a car with him. Score one for me. I would also like to thank Lex for rescuing me with the offer of a second coffee. Henceforth, the second adventure was born. Basically Lex picked me up at Carlingwood, where I ditch bryneart, and drove the half a block to the Starbucks where I proceeded to vent about my over-confusion. He later drove me home. Adventure three was a walk to Westborough, where Shaun and I chilled on the fence outside of the funeral home. Cause I'm just that cool. Later Sami came over a brought me a Lilly<3! (Note:Those are Ina's favorite flowers)
So like I said, I was down and depressed so I called a self help line where the operator was no help at all. He ignored me and made me feel like shit. NEXT PLEASE!
And finally we come to our final topic of the night. PROACTIV! I have shitty skin so I just started using it. Every time I do it kicks my ass. Like after you cleanse your supposed to use that mask...I swear to god it dissolves 2 layers of skin. It's ridiculous. Basically, you're supposed to put it all over your face and sit there while it dries for ten minutes...then wash it off with your 2 missing layers of skin. THEN you use the toner...which burns like the fiery depths of hell...and finally the lotion which dries your skin out even more. I'm supposed to do this twice a day! (the mask only 3 times a week) WE SHALL SEE IF I GET A PRETTY BLEMISH FREE FACE IN 30DAYS!
<3 Ina
P.s. If you check out the sidebar there's a place where your can email me you comments. Just click it!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Nega-fucking-tivity...Jesus Christ! Why does everybody have to be so negative!? And don't fucking tell me you're being realistic because that is pure bullshit. Realistic people also look at the brighter side of things, not just the "he's fucking with your head cause he feels sorry for you" side. Anyone else that wants to send me into even more of a depression you know where to find me...and please don't because I'm almost at the breaking point and I kid you not! I'm tired of crying everyday because I'm confused and hurt and not sure what to believe! I'm tired of people using the word NEVER.I'm tired of people calling him an asshole because he's not. AND I'M FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE TRYING TO DASH MY HOPES! WHY THE FUCK DO I DESERVE THAT? AS FAR AS I KNOW I DON'T!
Seriously
<3 Ina
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Double ewe tea eff mate...Okay,Okay...so 2 nights ago I call nick up to tell him everything that's on my mind, Including I don't need you and I'm not waiting. I told him I was tired of the I don't know bullshit and I wanted answers, I asked him if he still loved me, he said "I don't know" I said "if you don't love me then tel me you don't" He said "I don't love you" but he didn't sound serious. Then I asked him if he was gonna stop by my work before he left for the week, he said no, because the 176 gets him home faster. YESTERDAY, I asked him if he was stopping by and he said he might, which recently from him means NO. So around 4 I get a text message asking when my break is, how long its going to be, and where am i. SHOCKER He showed up...like he never did when we were together. He gets all flirty(but I started it). His hands were warm so I put my hand in his and he closed his fingers around it (not tightly though). Then Tony called, he talked on the phone with him for a bit then he put his other hand on top on mine!? About 2 seconds later he took it off. Then we were heading for the bus so he could catch it, I told him I was getting a new red dress and when it got here he was taking me out. He agreed...without hesitating. Just as we got to the stop his bus showed up, I told him I didn't want him to leave yet...he said he'd call me when he got on the bus.....again..WTF? He hugged me goodbye and got on the bus, about 30seconds laterrrrr...my cell phone rang. We talked until it died. After break I called him to apologise...again I was shocked he pick up my work number...over the last couple of weeks he never answered my calls, then again, I only called him twice.
I'm Severely confused, I don't want to read into anything but it's hard not too. Give me advise and WTF is going on?!
<3 Ina
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I'm not sure....Okay, so I didn't post last night. I wasn't sure what to write, and I'm still not sure...I'll just write about being not sure...
Last night I went on a walk with Nick, and it was nice. I'm kinda glad he didn't kiss me this time. I did ask if he really didn't want me waiting for him, he said he doesn't know how long he'll be and he's "maybe I don't know probably not I don't know" comming back. FUCK, just give me a straight answer to make this easier on me. I don't like feeling the way I do, and I don't even know how to describe it! If I do wait, it'll be hard on me, if I move on, I don't know if I can.
<3 Ina
points:
+5
Sunday, July 20, 2008
So...about that local...fuck it...So I had an interesting job-saving day at work. It was slow as hell so I was stuck with my thoughts for most of it. Luckily I had Jane there to distract me for a bit...and of course there was Carolyn, but for the most part it was me alone with my thoughts. If you know me, that's not a good thing because I get all analytical...and tend to over think things to such an extreme it's self damaging. SO! Onto more interesting things...
I bought my first miniskirt today. James seems to think I'll kill people dressing like that, bah whatever. It isn't for him, it's for me(+3points). Over the last couple of days I've been doing more for myself because I DESERVE IT!(+5points) I bought a new red dress, because I look stunning in red and I want the world to see me. I'm tired of wanting, wishing and waiting for something that's "probably not" going to happen. You know what? FUCK IT!(+10points)
<3 Ina
Points:
(-13)+(+18)=(+5)
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Worklife and Blah Blah Blah....I'm well aware this is my second blog of the day...well technically it's my first blog of the night...so there(+3points). I'm in the mood to write for some reason, maybe It's because I haven't actually kept up a blog in awhile and have so much useless information in my head, or maybe it's just because I don't trust the information super highway as much as I used to. Onwards and upwards! That's what some guy always says...at this point I'm far too lazy to look it up.
I guess I could talk about work. Tonight was the first night I actually got to bond with Jane. She's actually not a bad person. We shared breakup stories and she's trying to convince me I'm better off. Laura said no one should have to go through the shit I'm being put through. She's been there done that. She kept saying that as hard as it is..I gotta try to get over him..not hope he'll comeback. (-4points for hoping he comes back).
Speaking of the shit I've been put through...it may have been a mistake to tell his sister...but then again, she's also been in my shoes and is trying to be reassuring...I don't even know if she wants us together..she's talking to him sometime this week in person and says she'll let me know what he says. Updates on that for sure.
Keeps your fingers crossed for me
<3Ina
points:
(-12)+(-1)=(-13)
That's something I'm generally good at. I was talking to him on msn yesterday for a bit, because I found out from facebook he got a job at a garage, like he's always wanted. It pretty much went like this:
Ina: way to go
Nick: thanks
Ina: now you've got everything you want...
Ina: except for winning the lottery
Nick: I don't want to win the lottery
Ina: oh...then I guess you've got everything you want then...
Nick: No I don't
Ina: Okay, well...I'm going to go get ready for work now
Nick: k
I wanted to ask him what else he wanted, but after awhile I realised it's probably a motorcycle and those two trucks he told me about when we were dating...I texted him and asked him what it was, but he never responded...I figure because it was ME who texted him.(-2points) So I'll never get an answer to that question...and even if I do, It wont be the answer I was hoping for, because I tend to get my hopes up for nothing..god I miss him (-5points)
<3 Ina
points:
(-5)+(-7)=-12
Friday, July 18, 2008
So let's get this started...This isn't just the story of a girl...it's my story. My name is Ina, well...not really, my name is actually Christina, but in grade nine or so my friend Ren (who's name is actually Lauren) decided to shorten it and it stuck...anyways let's get on with this nonsense, shall we?
I'm Ina. I'm 21 years old and newly single because my ex decided he doesn't think he loves me anymore. He broke up with me over the phone, and pathetically I still want him back. I just started a new job at The Bay. My boss can be a bitch...but who's got an awesome boss? She's not always a bitch, normally she's quite nice to be around...because normally she's not around. I work in men's fragrances...as if my life isn't depressing enough, right? Well lucky for me the ex wore cheap cologne and we don't carry it (^-^)! Uhm...I'm starting college in the fall. I'm going for television broadcasting and I may be expanding into film or journalism later on...who knows really?
Now I'll dish about my ex. He wasn't just my first love..he was my first everything..and as I said before, I want him back. (-2points for being pathetic) It's been about two weeks and he's playing with my head...and for some reason I thought it would be smart to get his sister involved. (-2points) We broke up once before for reasons I will not disclose at this time...last time I broke up with him. He says he's probably not coming back to me...PROBABLY NOT! Thanks Captain Indecisive!
The other day he asked me to go get his health card with him..and like a fool (-2points) I agreed. We had to go back to his apartment at one point so he could call his mom and we could get the address changed on his drivers license. When we were there he told me he had cleaned his room and the minute i walk through the door frame I burst into tears. (-2points) He then proceeded to cuddle me on his bed like he used to in an attempt to calm me down. It worked.(-2points) A little while after we were cuddling and he leaned in and kissed me...it didn't go any further than making out because I wouldn't allow it(+5points)...I don't even know why I allowed the kissing. After that happened I was a little more clingy with him. on the bus ride home he kissed me again and asked him if he wanted too, he said "a little bit, but I still would have done it even if I didn't want too because you wanted it." Cue tears. Then he INSISTED on walking me home even though I didn't want him too because I felt like crying after he had said that...what makes this all even better? He gets back on the bus to go home and tell on of my old co-workers I'm still good friends with that "she didn't want me talking to this Kerri girl (cause she wanted to fuck you). She wanted to see me all the time (hello? you leave every weekend? Is 3 times a week too much to ask?). She wanted me to visit her at work all the time (uhm...no...just on weeks I was working late. He transfers buses where I work...is walking a up the stairs to spend 15min with your girlfriend too much to ask?). Things are better off this way." So after nick gets off the bus Loyal co-worker calls and tells me what he said. WHAT THE FUCK? Why would he kiss me and say that? It obviously bugs me because I'm giving myself a whole two paragraphs to vent in.(-2points) I'm trying to get over it but it's ridiculously hard...but no one ever said life would be easy...as much as I wish it was.
I'll be keeping score every blog...so get used to it. Feel free to up or down the points in the comments...most of which I probably won't take seriously...just kidding(+2points)
<3 Ina
points:
-5
